


Yu-Gi-Oh Oneshots

by Catgirl1



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, No beta we go to the Shadow Realm, Yami is a crazy cat person and nobody can tell me otherwise, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catgirl1/pseuds/Catgirl1
Summary: A bunch of  random Yugioh DM oneshots. There may be some for other series, but for now, just Duel Monsters.Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, which is okay, because I've watched the show for over a year and can't play the game to save my life.
Relationships: Bakura Ryou/Marik Ishtar, Mutou Yuugi & Yami Yuugi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Cats, cats, cats

"Um, Pharaoh, I think it's time to go." Joey put a hand on the man's shoulder.

"No, not yet." 

"Should we try to save him?" Tea asked, looking worried.

Mokuba was trying not to laugh as he took picture after picture.

Yami happened to be completely covered in cats, petting a very content one in his lap. They could hear the cats purring, even from over there. Yami was very straight faced, but he seemed to be enjoying the strays mewling in his ears. 

Kaiba was wearing a I-can't-deal-with-this-right-now face.

"Yugi, there's a dueling tournament to attend."

"It can wait."

"It's going to start in five minutes."

"You're running it. You can postpone it." Yami's voice had a forceful edge to it.

"But-"

"I'm staying right here." Yami melted back into a relaxed position, using a hand to play with a kitten that had just come up.

"This is Snow White, just, instead of forest creatures, it's stray cats." Duke observed.

It got even worse when Yami took his duel disk and dumped it. Instead of cards falling out, there were kitty treats. Joey opened a can of red bull and took a very long drink, as if he were drinking alcohol. But with Tea present, he dare not take out the vodka he stored just for these kind of things.

Yami was practically beaming as what seemed like every cat in Domino joined him.

One of the cats meowed at him. And then, _Yami meowed back at the cat._ They had a good conversation that held for maybe three minutes before Yami burst into laughter.

"Yugi, you never told me the cats in Domino were so funny!"

"That's probably because Yugi doesn't speak cat." Tristan said, wishing he were of age to drink. 

"Yugi, it's time to leave."

"I told you to postpone." Yami snapped.

The most content cat there jumped and looked up at the pharaoh, not expecting him to be so scary.

Yami noticed this, and quickly started cooing out apologies, gently scratching the back of its neck.

"I think we'll need to ask Shadi about this. Or the Ishtars." Serenity decided.

* * *

Things were bad. Like, evil Marik, evil Bakura, Dartz, and the Big Five all at once bad. There wasn't even time to play a card game. They were all injured, Yugi was trying to get away from extreme bad guy of the year. And then...

"MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWR!"

Yami had taken over and made the longest, loudest cat meow ever recorded in the history of humans making cat noises.

All at once, a swarm of cats, stray, domestic, still needing a home cats alike, came running. The villain didn't even get a chance to run as what looked like a trillion cats surrounded him.

The friends watched in fascination. 

"It's like Yami finally got himself an army of something other than fangirls." Joey said, in utter wonder.

"I don't care, so long as it's helping us." Tristan decided.

"This is the most bizarre and beautiful thing I have ever seen." Bakura marveled.

Yami grinned sadistically and cackled like a crazy person as he did when someone paid the price for hurting his host.

* * *

Ryou had enough. Yami led his cat army with ease, yes. Was it absolutely wonderful? Yes. He had to admit, he found the idea amusing. However, there was a place to draw the line and that was when Yami decided to hoard hairballs and hide them in Ryou's house. He called his boyfriend.

Marik picked up almost right away.

"Hello?"

"Hi, babe. I have a question about the pharaoh."

"Yes?"

"Well, there's this situation with... with, and bear with me on this. There's this situation with the pharaoh and cats."

There was a long pause.

"Babe? You there?"

"You said Yami and cats?"

"Yes! He has an army of them. I'm sure he puts Yugi in charge of them somehow. He keeps a collection of their hairballs in my room. _Who the bloody hell hoards hairballs and leaves it in one of their friend's **room**_?!"

"Slow down. Your British slang is adorable, but I need to write a list of this so I can give it to Ishizu. She's the master expert, but she isn't home at the moment."

"He has an army of cats. It doesn't matter where the cat belongs or how old they are."

Marik burst into laughter.

"Honey, that is the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. I mean, I believe you, but that's fucking hilarious."

Ryou smiled in spite of himself.

"It is stupidly hilarious."

"Okay, got that down."

"He keeps an impossible amount of cat food in his duel disk."

Another pause.

"Did I break you?"

"This is weird, and I'm the tombkeeper here."

"He speaks cat."

"Yeah, crazed gremlin amnesiac pharaohs tend to."

"And he hoards hairballs in my room."

He could almost see the expression his boyfriend was making.

"I'm not kidding. I can show you."

"I need to FaceTime you so I can see this."

And Ryou got a notification his boyfriend was trying to FaceTime. He accepted without thought.

"Where is this collection?"

Ryou showed off the collection he'd found, watching Marik's eyes widen steadily as he saw more.

"The pharaoh did _that_?!"

"Yep."

"That's so much puke. You could make a wig out of the hair..."

"Babe, focus."

"Right..."

"I know, it's crazy."

"It most certainly is."

* * *

Atem looked at his second in command of the cat army.

"Yugi, you are now the commander of the FeliNatzi's!"

Everyone stared. It was bad enough Atem was announcing his will (half his things were going to Yugi, who kept insisting he didn't need Atem's organs).

"You... have a name for your cat army?"

"Yes!"

If none of them were weirded out before, they certainly were at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My rules for requests-  
> No romantic shipping a yami with a hikari, no Tea bashing, and no smut. Otherwise I should be alright with anything else. Please leave kudos, and comments, whether it be a review or a request!


	2. Ghost Stories Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of attempting ghost stories. This takes place a few days after the first Kaiba Corp Grand Championship or whatever the fuck it was called.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Joey announced. Tristan screamed and ducked for cover.

"What is it, Joey?" Yugi asked. Joey's eyes gleamed.

"We've been through our share of personal stuff, right?"

"I guess." Tea replied.

"Why don't we tell some creepy stories that happened to us?"

Serenity clapped her hands once and smiled.

"That sounds like a good idea, Joey! But, who should start?"

There was silence for a while.

Yami appeared next to Yugi.

 _"What are we doing, Yugi?"_ He asked.

_"We are going to tell creepy stories."_

Yami frowned.

_"But... I don't have any..."_

_"Yes you do. Remember that one time you woke me up in the middle of the night?"_

_"One time?"_

_"Okay, that one where you were all shaken up?"_

_"Oh, right!"_ And Yami took over.

"I have a story." 

"Well, then, Yug, tell us."

"Um, right now, I'm the Pharaoh." Yami scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Right, Yugi can tell us one of his later."

"So, this happened at night. Yugi usually falls asleep pretty late and when he's asleep, I'll walk around my spirit realm and explore it. It's actually really big. This time, though, I decided to explore the area between mine and Yugi's spirit rooms. It looks like a really long hallway."

"So... what happened?" Duke asked.

Yami chuckled. 

"Patience, I haven't finished telling the story. Anyway, I walked for maybe ten to fifteen minutes down the hall before I saw a door. I remembered thinking this was weird on its own. There are only two souls within the puzzle currently and that's mine and Yugi's. Anyway, I went against plenty of my own logic and opened the door. I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was to yell at whomever decided to settle in the puzzle, but I went in, and I saw a dark version of myself and Yugi with silver bangs, and blood red tips; and we were just sitting around some campfire, like we were on Duelist Kingdom."

"Like the scenery by the cliffs where Mai camped with us?" 

"Yes, quite like that. Now, there were a few things wrong with that scene because I know myself and Yugi pretty well, and I know you guys would be there, no matter what scene was there, but it felt like something was greater at play. I just wasn't sure what."

"So, what did you do?" Tristan asked.

"I stood in the doorway and asked them who they were. Dark Yugi turned to looked at me, and I can remember the chills running down my back. He looked like the life had been drained out of him, but in a way that I have only seen in people who lose it, like they've gone completely insane and aren't human anymore. He gave me a strange little smile, and said in this really strange tone, _'why, I would have thought that was obvious. He's you, and I'm Yugi.'_ I remember saying something along the lines of, ' _you can't be Yugi, he's asleep, and I'm right here._ ' And then not-me turned his head to me and said in the tone I save for the people that I would be ready to kill, _'Yami, you misunderstood my host. We're you, but in a different aspect. Imagine if everything was taken from you. We're that aspect of both of you.'_ And Yugi started laughing, this broken horrible laugh I hope I never hear him actually laugh that way. And he said, _'Maybe, if you'll see, you'll understand.'_ "

"Not liking this so far." Tea decided, shivering.

"I didn't like it either, so I was about to politely decline, but not-Yugi dragged me inside with a strength our Yugi has never used. I was by the campfire and I could clearly see something I wouldn't ever have been able too in the doorway. It was half rotted skeletons of all of you, with nooses around your neck, sitting in camp chairs, just in the shadows."

The effects were of a well-listening and reacting audience. Joey spewed the drink he'd sipped back into the cup, Tristan fell off his chair, Serenity and Tea covered their mouths, Bakura gasped, and Duke gave off a terrified expression.

"Not-Yugi starts laughing and muttering absolutely nothing coherent, while not-me stares at me with a soulless smile. He walked in real close and said, ' _You think we did this, don't you? I promise you, it was not us. They're all gone.'_ He took me to the edge of the cliff and there I saw every single one of our old enemies, but brutally misshapen and disfigured, not even like something I could've done when I was... when I was kinda, um..."

"It's alright, Yami. We get what you're implying," Tea stepped in, saving Yami from calling himself 'psychotic' even though it were true.

"But, it was almost _everyone_ who'd hurt us in any way. I could see how horrible it was, even from such a difference. Not-Yugi starts talking to your corpses as though he's in the middle of a conversation with you, but I don't know what he was saying, because even from there, I could finally see that everywhere, the sea, the trees, the ground, the cliff, was all covered in blood."

"So... what did you do?" Joey asked.

"I didn't stay for another second, I ran out, slammed the door shut, locked it with a mentally made key, and fled to Yugi's soulroom before exiting the puzzle and shaking him awake. We talked for a little while about it, but we were both truly chilled, because, believe me, we may have nightmares, but we know from each other's memories if it was real or not. And we knew, that this was somehow real. Yugi got out of bed to go get our deck, because, their spirits do offer us comfort after we get extremely scared. But, while he was walking, I told him to stop. He had somehow tracked blood from his bed, but he'd never gotten an injury, nor could he have ever gotten one."

"So, how did that get there?" Tristan asked.

Yami shook his head.

"I don't know. But, neither of us have ever looked through that hallway since that experience. And it's safe to say we both couldn't sleep the rest of the night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for this one goes to me! I was watching Season 0 and thought- but what if Yugi snapped somehow? That eventually turned into this story.  
> Again, I take requests, kudos, and bookmarks! Or, just tell me what you think of this chapter. I really like to read comments, they're probably some of the most enjoyable parts of fanfiction.


	3. Since it's October, might as well make these spooky story oneshots until I get a request

"My turn." 

All eyes turned to Tristan.

"You have a spooky story?" Joey asked in disbelief.

Tristan looked offended.

"Of course I do! I do have to stay afterschool! Have you ever been inside the school after dark? It's creepy!" Tristan crossed his arms.

"Well, if you have one, you can tell us!" Yugi smiled warmly at his friend.

"Okay, this one is in the school and it's set a little while before Yugi solved the puzzle."

"Why am I not surprised? Of _course_ spooky things happened to us before the Millennium Items came into the picture." Tea sighed.

"Yeah, so, I had decided to go to the bathroom. Now, this can sometimes be a problem, if we don't know where the janitor put his key, but luckily, he usually helps us out and will put it somewhere easy to find within access. That said, the bathrooms are on the darker side of the school, and the janitor's closet is close to the door we have late night meetings in. So, I went and got the keys, then walked down the hall to the bathroom."

"If he does anything graphic of him going to the bathroom, I think that would be the spookiest part of this story." Mai muttered to Tea.

"I was unlocking the bathroom when I saw a light on in a classroom, when we usually want them off. I figured okay, I'll just lock it when I come out. So, I went to the bathroom and quickly as possible and locked the bathroom back up when I remembered the classroom, but the lights were off."

"Maybe you had imagined it?" Joey wondered.

"That's exactly what I thought, but I walked down the hall, and looked back at the classroom again. The lights were on again, so, knowing I hadn't imagined it, I walked back to turn off the lights and see if this was some kind of prank from troublemaking students, who will sometimes pull pranks like this."

Joey smirked without any hint of regret when Tristan pointedly glared his way.

"So, I looked around, nobody was in the room. I decided it must have been some electric malfunction, and made sure to get it to the teachers to tell us to check every room before turning off the lights. I decided to unlock the door and turn out the lights, but to my surprise, it was already unlocked, so I turned off the lights, and locked the door. I even double and triple checked it to make sure it was locked. And then, just as I was down the hall, I heard a loud sound of a door unlocking, so I turned and the classroom door was wide open. I walked down the hall once again, but this time, there was this person, inside the classroom, writing messages on the board."

"What did they say?" Joey asked, suddenly nervous.

"I have no idea, they were in some kind of code. So I told them y'know, 'Hey you can't be in here. The school's closed right now, only members of the student board and the teachers can be here right now.' and yes, Yugi, don't give me that look, I know, I probably should have called 9 1 1, or something, but I was grumpy and tired, and I wanted to get home, so I said that. And then they turned around and I haven't slept a full night since. Their entire figure was distorted, like they were pixelated or something, but it was... just the worst thing I've ever seen. And then, I got this feeling to get out of the school. I didn't even think twice. I turned around and I ran away. I put the keys in the janitor's closet, made an excuse, and ran all the way home."

"Still no idea what that was?" 

"Nope. I haven't got a clue, I've avoided that classroom. I'm excited to graduate. Who's next?"


	4. Back to Capsule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the world of the Capsule Monsters, but something's very different.

"How did we get here? I thought this wasn't supposed to happen after the Aigami-Diva experience!." Joey grumbled.

Yugi looked around. They were back in the Capsule Monsters world... somehow. It seemed to be near where he had been spit out from stepping on the map a little more than a year ago. He felt like something was off... he couldn't be sure what it was, but something felt very very wrong.

"Not this again. Something's going to happen."

"Maybe we can stop complaining and go look for something to help us." Tea snapped at the two boys. She should have just gotten to New York, but nope! Another adventure.

Yugi shakily got to his feet. He stumbled into the forest. 

_Something's wrong._

_Something's wrong._

_Something's wrong._

_Something is very, very wrong._

_What happened here?_

_What happened?_

He stood where the mantis should attack him.

_Nothing's here._

_Nobody is here._

_What is happening here?_

He ran further, looking for anything, something, someone else besides him and his three friends. </p>

Nobody is here.

 _We're alone here_.

_Where are the monsters?_

Where are the capsules?

"Nobody is here. What happened?" Yugi voiced his thoughts.

He remembered something from a videogame. A choice, a genocide. That horrible, horrible song that froze his blood when he heard it and every time since then. The song he heard inside his head now. The song called...

"But Nobody Came..."

That terrible, haunting song that he heard in his nightmares.

Why... why was he thinking of that now? He had nothing to do with this disappearance...

He couldn't have been the or a cause of it, right?

No... what happened to this place?

He ran back to the group.

They must have seen an expression that showed how dead to the world he felt.

"... Yugi?"

"They're gone. They're all gone."

"Who?" Tristan asked.

"The monsters here. Everyone... they're gone."

"They can't have just gone. Maybe they're at a village."

Yugi nodded dully, barely hearing what Joey had said.

The puzzles didn't exist. It only took the space of a few hours to get to the village.

"Oh... my..." Joey didn't finish his sentence.

The village was run down. It was as if the inhabitants had been there, but they'd disappeared all at once.

Yugi walked in, feeling more numb and dead inside than he'd ever been.

Inside a certain house, there was a chair that the dust had been collecting on. There was rotting food in the kitchen, and in the bedroom, beds, still unmade.

Tea was outside, looking just as dull as he felt.

The four sat outside the village. Their eyes had lost that light that was usually in them. They didn't know how to feel. None of them were feeling any emotion.

They were dead, but they were breathing, their hearts beating. Nothing was here for them, but what happened?

It seemed like an eternity before they decided they had enough. The four stood and walked. In the castle that hadn't been there before, there was a portal. Without a word, the four of them went through it, returning to the world.

It wasn't until a year later that Yugi was seriously reminded of it. He hadn't tried to think of it.

Yugi found himself in the village, except people were there. Humans and monsters. It had to be a celebration, because everyone was having fun. Laughter echoed from the village.

"Come on!" ~~Mana~~ Dark Magician Girl called to him. Joey and Tristan ran past him, laughing and whooping.

Tea laughed and pulled him along. He couldn't help but smile. What was he thinking? A year ago, this had all been a dream, right?

Yugi couldn't help but laugh as Joey and Tristan tried to outdo each other in a contest.

A person ran past and stopped suddenly to look at him. Yugi smiled and waved.

They walked back to him.

"Isn't this fun?" They asked.

"Yes, yes it is." Yugi couldn't help the smile on his face.

  
_Everyone was still here._

_This was a safe place._

Everyone is here. _Everything was happy._  
  


"That would be the way to go, wouldn't it?" They asked.

Yugi frowned. Their tone wasn't what he was expecting.

It had gone from pleasant to filled with hate.

"You erased _us_!"

The town, once filled with life crumbled. The people and monsters turned to dust. Joey and Tristan threw down the fruit they were eating, it suddenly being moldy. Tea backed into a wall, looking horrified.

"You four did _this_. You _killed us_! You _left!_ "

The dust turned into a horrible _thing_ of the monsters and people combined. It's mouth opened.

"You _abandoned_ the _game!"_

It grabbed onto him, choking him, the bodies screaming in anger and hatred all at once and...

Yugi shot up, screaming.

The house was empty. His grandfather had gone out on an expedition. Again. His mother was in another country for a meeting.

Yugi sat alone, in a cold sweat, shaking from the nightmare, gripping his blanket like it meant his life.


	5. Basically, my humor is kinda broken... only kinda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi finds himself back in Ancient Egypt and this time, everyone can see him, and Atem doesn't know who he is, and once Yugi tells him, regrets asking.

Yugi sat up in the Afterlife pod. What had happened, you may be asking?

_"Yugi, Atem really misses you and wants to ask which college you got into." With those words, Kaiba shoved him into the pod and sent him away, Yugi screaming curses all the way._

Something was different.

Yugi frowned and checked the pod.

**Departure timed for: 5 days, 13 hours, 7 minutes, 18 seconds**

Better not waste this time.

He got out and started walking towards the nearby city. Everyone he passed stared at him like they didn't know what to question first. To solve this problem as the social mastermind he is, he would give them what was meant to be a smile (but he knew was an awkward expression) and waved.

"Stop right there, Imposter!" 

The demanding voice and spear to his spine made him pause and raise his hands.

"State your name, your foreign country, and your business." The soldier ordered.

"Your name, your foreign country, and your business."

There were a few scattered chuckles and gasps from the onlookers.

Yugi could feel the grip of the spear slacken, then tighten.

"Why are you here?"

"To see your Pharaoh." Yugi answered.

"You are getting your wish, because of you being an imposter."

"Figures."

Yugi walked to the palace, and entered. Atem looked up, and Yugi could tell he had just wondered where the normal chaos for the day was, and now he just thought something according to his arrival being on cue. Yugi did what came to mind, something he had done with Atem in the morning when he was still half awake. He bowed dramatically.

"Well, good morning, doppelganger of mine."

Atem didn't say anything and when Yugi looked up, the pharaoh wore the most confused face Yugi had ever seen him wear. Yugi suddenly felt awkward as everyone else, being the council, the guards, and Mana, looked at him with the same odd expression.

"It-it sounded and looked better in my head."

Atem rubbed his forehead, as if to say 'oh, here we go.'

"This man looks a lot like you and we wanted to bring him in."

"Thank you." Ishi-Isis said.

Yugi waited until the soldiers were gone.

"Just for clarity, I am not an imposter and if most things make me seem like I'm lying, wouldn't I at least change clothes?"

Atem sighed.

"Your logic is flattering. It is the most we have-"

Yugi sighed.

"Pharaoh, buddy, I wasn't going to say anything, but to hear you say at least two lines without one pun just isn't the same."

Everyone else looked at each other, like they were wondering if he was talking about the same pharaoh that was before them.

"Who are you?" A man who looked like Yugi's grandfather asked.

Now, Yugi always knew that due to his grandfather's failing memory, there would be a day where he would ask that question, and, even if this was a different person who just looked like his grandfather, it still took him aback and it hurt. Still, he didn't dare betray that in front of the court.

"Yugi Muto."

This seemed to be the weirdest part about him. The whole court exchanged looks. Atem was the first to break out of his stupor.

"You're sure I make puns in front of you? I don't even know you!"

Yugi fought an inner battle, before giving in to the answer his mind really wanted to give.

"Yes, I know you do! I'm your host five thousand years in the future!"

"But, if you're my host, then that would be from the millennium puzzle." Atem looked truly lost now.

"Yep."

Atem tapped his temple.

"And if you can wear the millennium puzzle, you're the future pharaoh." Shada realized.

"Uh, not really?"

Atem smiled.

"But to be the pharaoh, you'd have to be my..." Atem's face suddenly shifted to one of realization. "Descendant."

"Mhm." Yugi grinned.

Mana fell out of her pot. Mahad looked too shocked to say anything.

"Um, great-said-a-lot-of-times-grandma!"

Mana turned and saw Yugi looking directly at her.

"I think great-said-a-lot-of-times-grandpa might need a doctor for the migraine coming on."

Yugi decided to act as if he hadn't just dropped a mind-blowing bomb on the entire court.

"So, I have a while before I get to leave. Should we bring my device here?"


	6. Yugi and Atem being Yugi and Atem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Atem decided to live his life out instead of going to the Afterlife? How would he and Yugi be in separate bodies? My answer: Father/Son 50%, Brothers 50%

Yugi: *in the middle of lunch* Yeah, so Tea and I thought- 

His phone rings and Yugi answers it.

Yugi: Hello?

Atem: Hi, Yugi, I have a break from class today. I've forgotten, where do we keep the frozen pancakes?

Yugi: .....

Atem: Oh, here they are! Now, for the espresso and TV

Yugi: Atem.

Atem: Yes, younger sibling of mine? *smirks*

Yugi: Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Atem: *cackles like a maniac*

Yugi: I'm going out.

Atem: I don't care, I'm not your parent.

Also Atem: YUGI, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAYING OUT PAST ELEVEN?!

Yugi: -_-

Atem: Yugi!

Yugi: Atem.

Atem: I just realized!

Yugi: What now?

Atem: This new Egyptian artifact has so many curse words on it.

Yugi: Of course it does....

Atem: No, but... I did that. When I was fourteen. Because my dad grounded me from sneaking into pots.

Yugi: Mhm

Atem: Holy... how are you not as much of a gremlin as I was when I was your age?!

Yugi: *playing a videogame* I really couldn't say.

Atem: *realizing something* You _are_ a gremlin.

Yugi: Yep.

Atem: I mean, who else just randomly switches with a pharaoh in public to force them to socialize?

Yugi: *grins* Hey, there was only one time you threw up.

Atem: And the others I screamed and ran home.

Yugi: Or you were extremely awkward.

Atem: You planned that, didn't you?

Yugi: *starts laughing*

Yugi: Um, Atem?

Atem: *half paying attention* Huh?

Yugi: Joey has a nerf gun.

Atem: *frantically calling everyone* CODE RED, I REPEAT, CODE RED!

Yugi: *video taping* How's caffeine suiting you?

Atem: This. Is. The. Best.

Yugi: *starts laughing*

Atem: Yugi, my powers are going haywire!

Yugi: *from afar* Then tell them not too!

Atem: *very sternly* Powers, stop going haywire.

Atem: YUGI, IT ISN'T WORKING!

Yugi: Atem, there's a pandemic.

Atem: Shit.

Yugi: We have to stay inside and not socialize.

Atem: *looks at Yugi*

Atem: Yugi, bring out the popsicles. We are celebrating.

Yugi: Hell yeah, we are!

Yugi, talking to Kaiba: Sure, everyone is an idiot, but they're still my friends, and I love them a lot-

Atem: YUGI, JOEY DECIDED TO MAKE A SANDWICH WITH EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE AND I THINK HE'S ABOUT TO THROW UP IN THE SINK!

Tristan, in the kitchen: NO TEA, DON'T SAY "I TOLD YOU SO", THAT WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!

Joey: CALL 9-1-1, I'M FUCKING DYING!

Yugi:.... You heard all of that, didn't you?

Kaiba, thoroughly done with life: Yep, and not just through the phone.

Atem: *riding a tricycle*

Yugi: *riding an electric scooter*

Tea: *sees them and starts laughing*

Yugi and Atem: *joins in as everyone else in the city watches*

Yugi: Um, Atem...

Atem: Yes?

Yugi: *looks at a mess in the house* How did this happen?

Atem: *remembers tripping and trying to get up, but ends up destroying everything* 

Atem: So there I was, when fifteen serial killers-

Joey: I think Yug's in a coma.

Atem: And then, I set it on fire.

Yugi: *shooting up from his forty hour nap* YOU DID _WHAT_?!

Atem, at three in the morning: What would happen if I dumped ice water on Yugi?

Yugi, suddenly wide awake: What flowers would you like on your coffin?

Atem: What would happen if I didn't?

Yugi: You'd have a long and happier life.

Yugi: You're not going to tell Kaiba that you wore Blue Eyes armor?

Atem: No, it's better for him to _not_ realize that's a thing.

Yugi: Fair enough.

Atem: No, I am _not_ dressing up as a mummy for Halloween!

Yugi: But, it's fitting!

Yugi, coming downstairs in the morning after a night of no sleep.

Atem: Morning, Yugi-

Yugi: *takes the entire pot of coffee and leaves*

Atem, after a nightmare of his past

Yugi: *wakes up in the middle of the night to see Atem out of bed*

Yugi: *goes downstairs and sees Atem sitting on the couch, dark circles around his eyes, and looking as though he was crying*

Yugi: *sits next to him*

Atem: *hugs Yugi and refuses to let go*

Yugi, after a nightmare

Atem: *wakes up and sees Yugi sitting on his bed, still crying* 

Atem: *walks over, and the two hug*

Joey: So, about your crazy ability to read anyone by their body language...

Atem: Oh, stop tensing up, we can't read minds.

Yugi: It's genetics.

Yugi, at an interview: So, yeah... that game as a process. *gets a call from Atem*

Yugi: Hold on. *answers phone* Yes?

Atem: Yugi, I just got fifty Red Bulls. 

Yugi:... Atem...

When asked if they're a couple.

Yugi: Nope, nope, that's creepy, we're related and he's thousands of years older than me.

Atem: We are _not_ a couple, but I will whack him with my old man cane

Atem: So, Yugi, um, hypothetically, say I was bored out of my mind. Say I decided to set another warehouse on fire.

Yugi: Say I bought straitjackets for you.

Atem:... you didn't

Yugi: *brings out a bag of straitjackets* Which color for today?

Yugi: *on a date with Tea*

Atem: *telepathically* Yugi!

Yugi: *jumps out of his skin*

Tea: Yugi, are you okay?

Atem: *telepathically* So, apparently, we can still do this-

Yugi: *kissing Tea* 

Atem: *trying to figure out what they're doing* 

Joey: *actually studying*

Joey: *answers a call*

Atem: JOEY, I THINK YUGI AND TEA ARE EATING EACH OTHER'S FACE. PLEASE, COME HELP BEFORE THEY KILL EACH OTHER!

Joey: Atem, I don't know how to tell you this, but they're kissing.

Atem: Is that what this is?

Joey: Yes.

Atem has to watch Mokuba.

Yugi: Remember, do not set _anything_ on fire. There is a black straitjacket in the closet with your name on it.

Kaiba: Don't let my brother get kidnapped.

Atem: *smiles innocently*

Yugi, after coming to the scene of a crime: ATEM!

Atem: REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU MOKUBA, RUN!

Yugi: Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Atem: *grinning menacingly* Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Joey: _NO!_

Atem: Why are we on this ride and _this time_?!

Yugi: Relax, pharaoh.

They were on It's a Small World After All and Tristan, Duke, Joey, and Marik are right in front of them, preparing to _scream_ along as off-pitched and loud as possible.

Atem, looking at his corpse in the museum.

Atem: So that's what I would look like without a brain.

Yugi: I hate to tell you this Pharaoh...

Yugi: Atem, why did you bring the cat army here?

Atem: Well, second in command...

Tea: Um, how is he not dying?

Yugi: Just give him a minute.

Atem: *having a conversation with crocodiles and hippos*

Yugi: *suddenly when walking through the city* Atem, _no_.

Atem: Atem, YES!

Joey: The fact that he isn't really doing anything is concerning.

Yugi: He was planning on climbing the nearest skyscraper.

Yugi: Are you _sure_ I'm related to you?

Atem: Yes.

Yugi: But how?!

Atem: Do you _really_ want me to tell you?

Atem: *panicking* Joey, Kaiba, Tristan we set the kitchen on fire! We need someone who thinks rationally!

Kaiba: Atem, two of us are _known_ for thinking somewhat rationally!

Joey: Fuck it, we need someone who truly thinks rationally!

All: ALEXA, CALL YUGI!

Yugi: Hello?

Atem: YUGI, YOU WERE RIGHT! SETTING THE WOOD TABLE ON FIRE IN THE KITCHEN SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE!

Yugi: *more than steadily losing it* Atem, Joey, Tristan...

Joey and Tristan: Hi!

Kaiba: Don't you dare forget about me!

Yugi:...

Yugi: Call 9-1-1, I'm getting Tea to yell at you. If it's left to me, I'm going to do something illegal.

Yugi: *in a hot tub at a hotel* Finally, free of idiots, including my adopted brother who is also a pharaoh.

Joey: *running in* Whooooooo!

Tristan: On three? 

Duke: 1

Atem: 2

Kaiba: Please... no...

Mokuba: I agree, big bro, I agree

Also Mokuba: *recording the entire thing*

Yugi: Seriously?

Tea: I'm leaving.

Serenity: Why?

Mai: *dragging Serenity out of the room*

Ryou: What the he-

Odion: *too confused to speak*

Ishizu: *didn't dare come*

Marik: 3

The boys made a splash and everyone was soaked. Mokuba has a waterproof phone, so it was fine. 

Yugi: Welcome to the "everyone I know is an idiot club".

Tea, Mai, Ryou Ryou, Ishizu, and Mokuba: Thank you.

Yugi: Membership packs are over there, which include headache pills, ear buds, stress balls, a pillow to scream in, and the five steps of how to not lose it.

Atem: *steps in* How's everyone?!

Yugi: *eye twitching*

Atem: Yugi, I've realized something.

Yugi: What?

Atem: I spent four thousand nine hundred eighty-two years in a puzzle.

Yugi: Yep.

Atem: I was trapped inside a golden pyramid.

Yugi: Yes, yes you were.

Tea: It's so beautiful.

Yugi: Yeah, it's just me, you, and Atem.

Atem, from afar: Hey! You two should kiss!

Atem: *on the couch, staring off into space*

Joey: What happened with him?

Yugi: He tried making breakfast... but it turns out he's really bad at cooking.

Atem: I set water on fire. I blew up eggs... how does someone _do that_?!

Yugi: Truth or dare?

Atem: Truth.

Yugi: How long did you sleep last night?

Atem: Dare.

Yugi: I dare you to go to sleep.

Atem:.... I don't like this game.

Atem, talking to Ra: Well, people stopped worshipping you several thousand years ago... no, that was not my fault, I think... 

Yugi: *walks in* I have no time for this, nope, nope. *leaves.

Joey: Um, Atem, it's Yugi's birthday soon. What do I get him?

Atem: He's told me all he wants is relaxation tea and his sanity to come back

Yugi, from afar: IT'S BECAUSE YOU STOLE THAT FROM ME, ATEM

Atem, when he learns Yugi and Tea are engaged: AAAAAAHHHHH, YEEEEEESSSSSSS! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yugi, at the wedding: Atem, stop it... 

Atem: *has been recording the whole time whilst holding back his inner fanboy*

Yugi: Atem...

Atem: Heh?

Yugi: Tea's pregnant.

Atem: That was not my fault.

Yugi: I'd be concerned if it was.

Atem: Yugi, why did you name the kid Yami?

Yugi: Because it would be confusing if his name was Atem.

Atem: *cries tears of joy know Yugi wanted to name his kid after him*

Yugi: Get yourself together. Geez.

Yugi: *meeting up with Jaden.

Atem: *rides up in the car* Get in, loser, we're going shopping.

Yugi: -_-

Jaden: :D


End file.
